Thanksgiving and Friendsgiving invitations

When to send a Thanksgiving invitation

Three to four weeks out, and earlier than that if anybody has to choose between your table and their in-laws. Thanksgiving is the one holiday where guests are genuinely double-booked, and the host who asks first usually wins. Friendsgiving is traditionally the weekend before, so send that one at the same time and let people do both.

Set the reply-by date a week before the day. That is the point where you commit to a bird size, and a 14 pound turkey is the wrong answer for either nine people or twenty.

1. Four weeks out: send the invitation with a reply-by date on it.
2. Two weeks out: turn on the bring list and seed it with pie, wine, rolls, a vegetable side and ice.
3. One week out: close replies, count heads from the organiser page, buy the bird at one and a half pounds per head.
4. Three days out: export the CSV, read the dietary notes, plan one main that works for the vegetarians rather than a sad plate.
5. The day before: the calendar file has already reminded everyone. Send nothing.

The two numbers that decide the day

Heads, not replies. One yes with two plus-ones is three plates, and the organiser page counts it that way. Portions follow from that: one and a half pounds of raw turkey per adult if you want leftovers, one pound if you do not, and about a third of a pie per person once there are three pies on the table.

The second number is the arrival window. Put doors at 2 and dinner at 4 on the invitation and people arrive at 2.30. Put dinner at 4 alone and half of them arrive at 4.10, which is exactly when the gravy needs you.

Dietary notes without a survey

The reply form has a dietary line that only you can read. Guests use it when the invitation says it is there, and ignore it when it looks like a form field. One sentence does it: tell us anything we should keep off your plate, it comes straight to the host and nobody else sees it.

Then cook one main that happens to suit the strictest guest instead of plating a separate dish for them. A squash and lentil bake that everybody eats beats a single stuffed pepper placed in front of one person.